It happens silently and willingly.
It is a choice but at the same time, you don’t notice it until you realize that things that used to bother you no longer do. You no longer feel anxiety towards situations that would usually trigger it. You no longer feel that the voice inside your head is against you, rather it is working with you.
But most importantly, it is constant.
One can never be fully healed. Yes, we can heal past wounds. But life has a way of always breaking us in some way or another. We are always constantly healing old wounds, while new ones, different ones, might be in the making. These might require healing in the distant future.
But this is what makes us human…
And the reality is, the first step towards healing is approaching it as a journey and not as a destination. This is the single most important realization you will ever make. If you internalize this you will be ready for whatever life throws at you.
Once we accept this truth, we can strengthen our arsenal of tools constantly. So when situations, people, or expectations cut us again, we will be ready. Because life doesn’t get easier, we become more prepared to face it.
After long long hours of thinking, journaling, reading, and processing I've come to discover that for me, the strongest of weapons is treating myself with love and acknowledging that the only way to heal is if I put the effort myself (no one else).
Before, I was always depending on other people to initiate or (realize) the process of my healing. I would constantly blame everyone around me for my disappointments or even actions. But people have their good share of wounds too. And, even if they are taking care of themselves, believe me, they cannot take away yours. (Doesn’t matter how much we cry, scream, fight or blame them for it)
When we are little they teach us to blame. To blame our parents, our teachers, friends, partners, and even ourselves, for the wounds that prevent us from moving forward. One gets consumed by one particular wound. And we blame everyone and everything for its existence. But what they forgot to tell us, is that by not moving past that singular cut, and waiting around for it to be fixed (or ignored) a couple more wounds are stacking up within us.
Thus, the strongest tool we can have in our arsenal is love for ourselves. For what we do, who we want to be, how we achieve that, how we talk to ourselves, our habits, our interests, etc… but most importantly, how we constantly sharpen these to make our healing process continual… not stagnant.
It takes various forms, depending on the person.
But mostly, it feels like a space within us has been cleared. We now have more space in ourselves to store more light rather than darkness.
There is no more hate, envy, anxiety, and regret toward that memory, person, or experience. Your inner voice is not constantly reminding you of these feelings, and making you act upon them. You are no longer interested in interacting with it because you made space for more important situations, people, and experiences.
You grew up, you intentionally and willingly, by actions and habits, decided it was time to let those wounds outgrow you.
But, the #1 sign that you have started to heal is when you can be alone with the voice inside your head and it is rooting for you.